revelation 3:60

How many journeys in the opposite direction must I travel?

How often must a thousand miles of running away bring me closer?

Is there anything I do that makes me anymore the less?

My truth comes in swift revelation as my genesis enfolds in quick gallops as of the seven horsemen themselves running at me in grand reality of all that I have been, am and will ever become.

I relent in the knowledge of all the past treasures that I once found pleasure in have pierced one too many sides, as the sweetest tastes of my sightless wanderings lay on my tongue as ash.

The distance mocks my every effort, as my legs dance with the passion of the one true gift and by design I weep in joy at the brilliance of the light within, without a second glance behind me.

How often I had desired to be so much more than the less I allowed myself to become, as the darkest corners in the world I imagined illumined for my own delight.

In the end the darkness doesn’t even glow, and the hands that I thought held me up maintain their grasp, yet gravity has a way of pulling not pushing and therefore I fight to remain upright more often than not.

In the end, as in the beginning, I know the truth and desire the light, yet as anyone who walks this path can tell you the fight is a battle, the battle a war, and the war a choice.

I choose to believe, not through the fiction that man breeds for complacency and fear, but for my God asks me to.

I choose to have faith, not by the design of many to the purpose of a few, but because my God asks me to.

I choose to not take part in the sins of others, not because the pedestal of lofty designer-brand fingers calls, but because my own serve to weigh me down in this world enough to anchor me to my God.

And without anchor, I infinitely drift.

I know I stand alone in a sea of many.

I know my trials are unique in their cookie-cutter design.

I know the eyes that question me long for the same answers.

Yet I also know I am upon tireless shoulders, am looked upon with endless love and have an eternity to be a child.

So why do I stand here and still fight impulsive flight?

I am human and not by design, but through heritage, am a sinner.

This does not mean I will never stop having the urge to run; after all I have made my choice and therefore will always be doing battle with myself as well as a plethora of unimaginable obstacles.

Thankfully, I find solace in a still small voice that comes in my quiet times.

Many may ask why a quiet voice?

I believe if God spoke any louder we would be deaf.
Although even if God shouted, there are always some who would never hear.

So here I stand: choosing to believe, choosing to have faith and once again trusting all will be well.




- J.G.Smith (10/14/05)