sometimes, music....

A life without expression can keep us from living. I have so many feelings these days that it is a race to see which one gets expressed first; although the race usually ends in a collision and therefore every emotion floods into my nervous system at once, leaving several inconsistent realities to barrage my already frail mental receptionist (whom by this point needs more than just a raise).

Sometimes, in the lack of being able to find what you are trying to express or just simply trying to find solace in the fact that someone else out there has had such similar experiences that there song seems to be written by YOU. Yes, someone has had YOUR feelings before YOU! THE NERVE!! Although, if they hadn't, what would you be listening to right now that both distracts and somehow comforts? Well? No answer? EXACTLY! I must point out though if you had no music to listen to that you identify with, perhaps you have a marketable pain somebody has not tapped into.....so, PUT IT TO MUSIC!!

Lately, I find myself listening to things like Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway", Peter Cetera's "One Clear Voice", Clay Aiken's "Solitaire"........These songs speak to me at this point in my...well....let's call it once again...a "life".....so at this point in my "life" I feel the need to get the bloody blue bollocks out of here and feel very alone, yet also, need answers to know what on earth I should do with this "life" that is such a cursed blessing to me.

So, here I am, listening to music and finding refuge of minute time and varied tempo. When I am not doing that I am numbing my mind with television, videogames and a computer........isn't technology great.....I can listen to how other people feel and never have to know my own emotions, I can watch a show or movie and see places and experiences without having to actually do anything AND who needs a companion when the internet is right here waiting for me to fill my lonely voids. UGH!

The time is now, I must start feeling some other than indifference. So, here it is, in print, on a blog that nobody reads.....that reminds me....why do I do this again? Anyway, I refuse to let these few years pass in a blur of regret, so off I go...to conquer this "life" thing!!!

Um, oops.....I forgot it is almost 3 am, perhaps I should sleep a bit first......BUT THEN!!!!!