before (this moment)

Sometimes in life you have to stand upon the edge of hope and risk the chance that your dreams may tumble over into the abyss.

I found myself reminded of this thought as I stood upon that very edge...again.

Having lost everything the last time, and several times prior, I had even less to lose than ever before. Never before have I had so much to be lost.

How do we arrive at these moments?
How does life find a way to break you down until you think you can go no further?

I have walked. I have run. I have leapt through societal hoops and worn the masks of psychological warfare.

This...this very moment is what it has all been leading up to. If it isn’t then I am doomed to do it all over again, differently. Exactly the same as I had to before.

I say a silent prayer, despite claiming no religion as my own, and step out one last time again.

Perhaps this is the one.

I inhale a great breath of air and hold it captive as I wait.






-j.g.smith (02/27/09)