How dim the light that glows this world
Sanctuaried hearts of tarnished gold
Now bled dry, the silver lined concordance
The shredded remnant of tattered torment,
Rests upon my battle worn frame
Garments lacking praise, as the man whom wears them
Solemn justice for a sin-encrusted soul
The ire of age that night befell knight
Fires flickered dance within my paper-skin skeleton
Bless this ice-cold heart-breath, exhalation
A greater man, the mirrored erect
Such precipiced languish, the pounding resonance
Blood deafens my every thought
Shattered, scattered amongst the rubble
Find me, for I have been stolen
The dim light still reveals the cloak I wear
May the iron shine once again
-j.g.smith (09/12/07)
1 comment:
Your use of language is working for you in this one (as opposed to against you :), though it is 'who' not 'whom' in line 6. I love "Sanctuaried hearts" and "paper-skin skeleton." And I like the rhyme with "exhalation." "precipiced languish, the pounding resonance" isn't bad either. I think I know where you're going with the last line (iron shining as gold?) but I'm not sure it's as clear as you might like.
This is really heading in a good direction. My least favourite part was "sin-encrusted soul" . . . it sounds oft-used.
Nice stuff. Good title, too.
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