There will come a day when I will finally be alone
With you, in the presence of many
A time that will allow my hands to reach for yours and rest
Within them without need to grasp
Best of all an opportunity to rest my head
Upon the shoulders that constantly carried me.
- j.g.smith (04/05/08)
2 comments:
I like this. I'd rearrange some of the line breaks to maximize sound and meaning, though. And drop some unnecessary words here and there. Something like this, maybe (though, of course, not necessarily):
Come a day when I'm finally alone
With you, the presence.
When time allows my hands reach,
For yours and rest
In them without need
To grasp best of all an opportunity
To rest my head
On the shoulders . . . . etc.
Anyway, my two cents' worth. :) But I liked the core of this poem. Yep! Yes, I did.
Oh yes, and I meant to mention the following: I REALLY like Matt's "Sweeney Todd" at right. Looks great!
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